I'm down tonight
by neeamariaa
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING! angst, talks of suicide etc Sebastian have a rough past and he's in mental hospital where he met Blaine for the first time. Sebastian starts falling in Blaine, but can two broken boys love each others when they don't love themselfes ? Seblaine


When you can't breathe. When you think suicide every single day. I'm Sebastian Smythe, my life is just a huge mess. I want to die and I've tried to kill myself couple of times, but every time there's somebody who found me in the last minute.

Now I'm at the psychiatric hospital, because the doctor says that I'm depressed and my last suicidal accept, I get too much medicines and I can't feel anything, okay before I get there I didn't feel anything and I cut, because I want to feel something. I want to feel that I'm alive. I want the pain go away. There's so much people, but I don't speak anybody I love to be with myself. Some say that I'm narcissist.

I've been raped and that's the why my depression went so bad and I tried suicide so many times. I didn't talk anybody that, because I don't want remember what happened, it hurt so much to think about that. I've tried to forgive, but it's so hard and every night I see a nightmare and I see pictures in my head and I see the rape situation. Every night I woke up and I'm close to that I scream, but I try to control myself, because I want to everybody see my perfect surface.

There's a guy, his name is Blaine and he's cute and he feel so perfect. I have a crush on him, but I don't want to get close to him, because I'm afraid that he don't like me, because I'm not perfect. I don't really know why Blaine is here, because it's not my business, but still out of curiosity I want to know why he's here. I don't want to ask him why he's here, because I don't want anybody to ask me why I'm here, it's not their business.

I'm at my small room, its pure white and there's a bed, small window, table and a chair. I'm sitting in the corner and read a book called Romeo&Julia, it's really old book, but I like it, it's very classic and simple.  
The blonde nurse knock to the door and come in.  
"Sebastian it's time to go therapy", over zealous voice report.  
I get up and leave the book in the corner, and then I walk to the door and forward to the therapist room.  
In the room is my therapist Kelly, who is actually nice and she really try to make me speak, but I don't want to. This may sound so childish. But I have some things that I want to keep myself; it's too dark for others ears. I sit a soft chair and Kelly looks at me with a smile on his face.  
"How you're doing?", She ask to me.  
"I'm fine", I say, I always say that, but really I feel broken, alone and thousands other thing.  
I knew that Kelly is seeing that I'm lying that I'm fine, she's smart and, maybe she has seen the same people in the past.  
"Sebastian you can trust me", Kelly try again.  
Kelly has say that before almost million times. When I get here and sit here first time I don't say a word, so I've progressed a little bit.  
"The nurse say's that you're screaming at nights", Kelly starts.  
I feel the panic in my body. I try to get breathe normal. Kelly see that and know that it hit a nerve.  
"I, I saw a nightmares", I tell to Kelly.  
Kelly looks pensive.  
"What kind of nightmare?" Kelly asks.  
And then I close to myself. It hurts to thing about being raped and the nightmares about it. I can't tell.  
The remaining half an hour flies when I sit in silence and Kelly review me. Then a nurse walks with me in the living room, because everyday we have to be in the living room with others about two or three hours, because doctors and therapist don't want that we are excluded. I saw Blaine there sitting on a sofa and I smile a little bit. I don't even know anything else about Blaine, but his name and still he's the only thing which makes me smile. I should be worried that I get hurt again, but I've felled for him too badly. Probably I never learn the simple thing called never trust anyone too much – they will hurt you.


End file.
